Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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