Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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