new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
