I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You are the jesus of drinking
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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