I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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