I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
