last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
