the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
