the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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