there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
