We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
