Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i barfeds in our rink
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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