Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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