Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize