...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
