when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's always time for handjobs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
