WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
