I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
