He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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