I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.