we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
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Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.