I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping