When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?