I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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