Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
