Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
