My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
