census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
