bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
