Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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