Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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