Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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