Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
