It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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