Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
