my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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