If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
