is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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