Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
