I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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