come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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