shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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