i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize