Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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