woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
