the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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