Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
