im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
