My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Every concussion has its silver lining
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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