they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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