i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
