Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
