dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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