please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize