I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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