Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
