idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
