I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
