i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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