i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
