Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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