Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
