My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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