I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
