I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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