You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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