next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've blown a few things in my day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
