I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
