Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
