He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
