I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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