i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
