Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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