He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
