We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
